I heard the bells on Christmas Day, Their old familiar carols play; and all throughout the songs refrain, I puked and staggered with woeful pain.
H.W. Longfellow and D. Bowers
Merry Christmas everyone.
Putting it all together…somehow!
February 28, 2012
Lifting weights. All guys do it right? “Look me – have muscles!” So there I was lifting weights. Throwing around way more kilos than I should have been but I was looking buff. Yessiree! Had those shoulders and pecs – leg muscles bulging.
Then I got invited for a game of badminton. I love badminton and I used to be quite good at it. But man, I sucked…big time. I was slow and my oxygen reserves were almost non existent. That was definitely not cool. So I switched up my training plan. I started doing more aerobic exercises and running…up hills. After noticing an extra boost of energy from the Auum Omega 3, I continued to run further and further after my hill climbs. My speed increased within a short period of time. I had much better endurance and as a result, my badminton game improved dramatically.
Eventually the weights and my trusty kettle-bell were secondary tools in my fitness regime. (I felt a little guilty leaving Katey behind…that’s my Kettlebell). Gradually the running distances increased. 5 km – 10 km – 16 km – half marathon. I was still toned but much slimmer. I could run quite a distance and not feel exhausted. Weight lifting was almost forgotten throughout the summer. Hill climbing and distance running were in.
Then it was, ” Hey! What’s this? The Spartan Sprint! Hmmm – sounds intriguing and challenging. The video looks really macho. I think I’ll try it.” (Men – we are so easily amused aren’t we?) An obstacle course that required running and strength. What the…? OK OK – so it’s back to my ski hill, only this time I added weights, the kettle-bell ( Hello Katey!) and a weighted vest. At home I went back to more weight training. I also continued to sprint as far as I could after the weighted climbs and relays. I was bulking up a little once again but kept my endurance. The Spartan Sprint came and went…I did quite well. It was fun and I felt good. However…
The Warrior Dash! Good grief, what now? An obstacle course held at a ski resort. Bigger, faster, higher, harder. Hmmm – I think I’ll try it! Just what, what, what do I do now? Train harder was the only thing I could think of. I’m not a big thinker. So I did. I pushed harder on the hills – ran faster but reduced the distances; I did more pull-ups and push-ups than I thought I could possibly do. Squats – lunges – burpees – with body weight and sometimes wearing a weighted vest – crunches – leg raises – jumping jacks and anything else I could think of. I was in pretty good shape by the time the race rolled around.
Race day I hit the road with some friends and finished the course without too much trouble. But in my mind I was slow. Scrambling over the cars and cargo nets I wasn’t very nimble. I felt kind of clumsy. My flexibility and stability were pretty bad. Still, I was happy with the run. I helped a lot of people along the way but a few times I was dragging my butt. Something still wasn’t quite right. Not good for that man-ego thing!
I continued with my weighted workouts and running but I needed something extra – one final push. Why? The Tough Mudder of course! For that I’m going to need strength, endurance, flexibility and speed. It’s 16 km of running madness. What to do? Whaaat to do? I searched the web; talked to my friends; read books…and then, then I saw GSP’s workout on the net. MMA training, of course! Yep, Mixed Martial Arts. That ground and pound, beat the crap out of each other stuff you see on TV. Hey! At 53 I’m allowed to be crazy enough to try these things.
Strength, speed, flexibility, endurance, discipline. I have to pull these things together…somehow. The MMA training is perfect. It works me to exhaustion, and is building up my flexibility and speed. I am continuing with my own strength training at home. It’s one day at a time. I’ve really, really started to watch my diet. Paying attention to many other bloggers info about what to eat and what not to eat and what will possibly work for me. I feel good – not an ultra marathoner type of good but alive – awake and ready to take on whatever comes at me.
Everything continues to move in a positive direction. My flexibility has definitely improved. Stamina? Getting there. The weather is looking good lately so I’ll be putting in some distance work starting this week. The more I push, the more it seems not to be enough. I should have started this stuff 35 years ago. Dang!
So that’s where I am now. Busting my hump for another race. I’ve still got the nervous jitters though and the run isn’t until August. But I’ll be there – you can rest assured of that.
I’m open to advice – cheers – words of encouragement – supplements – pats on the back – kicks in the butt – anything to help me finish the Tough Mudder.
Just get me through this one race. Keep me healthy and strong enough to run, climb, swim and crawl to the finish line. That’s all I ask. get me through safely, in good time and and I’ll be happy.
Of course…there’s always next year!!
Stay well my friends – stay strong…and as always – smile.
Doug
Spartans! Warriors! Prepare for Battle!
February 11, 2012
OK – maybe not a real battle. How about running up and down a few hills carrying heavy objects and climbing over walls and crawling under barbed wire through pits of crushed ice? Sound like fun? You’re supposed to say “yes!”
( Sorry about the poor quality of the video – looks great on my computer)
Hey everybody. Well, summer is fast approaching so I’ve already started my extra training. I did a few runs up the ski hill at Earl Bales park this morning, much to the disliking of the skiers coming down! Hey! I gotta do what I gotta do. So, along with my Muay Thai and Krav Maga training, I’ve bumped up my personal workouts and also started going outside a little more. I’m back at the kettle-bell and have donned my weighted vests to add that extra umph to my workouts.
The Warrior Dash ( which I loved last year) and Spartan Sprint will be warm ups for my real challenge this year…the “Tough Mudder“. Toronto’s course is eleven miles of uphill mayhem and bizarre obstacles. Probably not the toughest on the planet – but it’s going to be a nice challenge for this old body.
So – anybody up for the challenge? Want to go get dirty and see what you’ve got in your tank? Come on – join in the camaraderie and help others through the course; or have them help you! If you’re not ready for that then I hope you are at least walking, running, biking, lifting weights or something to keep the blood flowing, muscles moving and believe it or not, to help keep the immune system strong.
Time is ticking…What have you done today?
Take care; stay well…and smile.
I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
Doug
People. It’s all about the FOOD!
February 5, 2012
Hello out there.
This isn’t what I had planned to post but recently I’ve had a lot of requests that I find, well, unreasonable. I regularly have people ask me about supplements for this or that; what minerals or vitamins should I take; is this herb good for such and such.What people expect simply by adding something to their existing poor diets is quite remarkable.
It’s very difficult to give a simple answer to many questions because then, when the problem at hand doesn’t go away after taking a vitamin or supplement for a few days, something is wrong. Either me, or the information or the supplement itself or the way they are taking it – or something. People want a ‘one pill’ cure for everything. Even though it may have taken years for their body to become unbalanced or dis-eased, people want the problem fixed now!
Thirty plus years of poisoning their bodies with processed foods, a high intake of sugars and preservatives and people expect a clean bill of health in a few days. Heaven forbid if I suggest something as drastic as a diet change, say, give up that two liter of pop every day or ease off the McYukky’s. I’m must be a demon. A blasphemer!
“That’s crazy! Give up my morning double-double and donuts? You must be mad! Surely there’s a simple pill or vitamin that can fix things. How about Apple cider vinegar – I hear that’s good? Cat’s Claw? St. Johns Wart? Acai seems to fix everything. What if I take all of those together? And Noni juice too – will my diabetes go away? Will my Crohns get better? Will I be able to sleep at night? Will my joints stop hurting? Will Tumeric cure cancer? I’m taking Hoodia, why can’t I lose weight?“
As odd as all of that may sound, I’m not making it up. I actually go through these types of conversations regularly. Education is an ongoing, one step, one person at a time, repetitive, and quite often frustrating, process.
STOP THE MADNESS! People! You’ve all heard it before – you are what you eat. What you put in your body…and mind…will reflect in your body and mind.
So – rather that do a ‘Health 101‘ class, I thought I’d share a link and let you see the power of positive thinking and good food and just what can be accomplished when proper steps are taken. The results are truly amazing. So I’ll end here. Take a few minutes and watch this. Hopefully, it will open a few minds.
Until next time;
Stay well…smile
Doug
Tapped out again…learning my limits.
January 29, 2012
So there I was, lying on a mat. Quite a soft and comfortable mat actually. The problem was, I had this guys forearm under my chin and his elbow pressed hard against the left side of of my neck, cutting off the blood-flow to my brain. His other arm was hooked under my right arm and pushing my head in the opposite direction to the pressure from his elbow. His left leg was hooked around my right somehow rendering it immovable. Also, his right knee was jammed hard against my ribs causing a fair amount of pain. Apparently I never quite utilized the butterfly guard properly – it was more like a squished caterpillar defense. I tried to wiggle my arm free but just my hand stuck out, waving around like a “surrender” flag flapping in the wind. I shifted a little more and got my arm out enough so I could touch his back and, “Tap-Tap-Tap” – I tapped out…again. It was the third time I had to tap-out in less than twenty minutes.
Immediately, Josh was standing over me, hand extended to help me up. As the blood flowed back into my brain, I pictured my crumpled form laying there on the mat as something you’d see in a bad movie; the body of someone that just fell off a high-rise building . Right leg twisted to one side, bent at the knee, left arm up behind my head and my right arm straight but still shaking a little.
As I regained focus and stood up, I was actually congratulated. Apparently I did much better in that round. We did the fist bump and prepared to “roll” again.
Josh is 22 and had been training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, BJJ, for seven years. That was my first day. He tied me in knots or a pretzel or both. Such was another day of my venture into the world of MMA – the Jiu Jitsu side of things anyway. Fondly known as the “ground and pound”.
Strangely enough, it’s the most invigorating fun I’ve had in years. The cardio workout is amazing. There is no letting up. Pressure and persistence. You push yourself to the limit and beyond. Getting that one extra breath is a major bonus and then you dig in again. When applying physics and leverage to physiology and structure, technique will almost always dominate strength. So even though I was much stronger than Josh, he ‘ techniqued’ me to pieces.
Most people look at MMA as brutal, and it is in its harshest form, but it is also a combination of arts, Mixed Martial Arts. The pros make it look so smooth, almost dance-like. Getting to that point takes years. However (for me there’s often a ‘however’), since I am not planning on entering the UFC or a hospital, I gracefully backed away from more BJJ classes. It was a real learning lesson. See, you can teach an old dog new tricks. I learned a few moves, hooks, holds and throws. I also learned that BJJ is brutally hard on your joints, especially on someone with as many injuries as I have. But most importantly, I learned that I must operate within my limits. Physical fitness is one thing but pushing it beyond my capabilities is just asking for trouble. Isn’t that the case with most everything?Everyone has some kind of limitations; learning to operate within and around them, without letting them hold you back is a crucial part of growth.
That doesn’t mean I’m giving up…that’s not how I operate. I signed up for a year and I’ll do a year. I’m continuing on with Muay Thai and Krav Maga. I’ll strengthen my body and learn how to work around my injuries until I can start BJJ again. It’s important to understand limits, have the persistence to develop and the knowledge (and courage) to change direction if necessary. This has helped me many times outside the gym as well. The bend in the road isn’t the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn.
Quitting isn’t an option. I’m quite confident that the day will come when the “Tap-Tap-Tap” is on my back and it will be me that’s holding out a hand to help someone else up and encourage them on their journey, both on and off the mat.
Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you.
Aldous Huxley
Stay strong – and smile, even through the pain.
Doug
Fats and oils…what should you use?
January 23, 2012
I apologize if this is rather lengthy but it I thought it important and wanted to get this to you. So please…just for the health of it, check it out.
...not all fats and oils are bad for you.
Choosing the right fats and oils in your food preparation has a dramatic impact on your health. There is much information and misinformation on what constitutes healthy fats. This chart simplifies the best choices of fats for cooking, fats that should not be heated, and which to avoid altogether.
It took our health community decades to recognize the dangers of trans fats in margarine and other butter replacements. And only recently are the anti-inflammatory and immune enhancing benefits of coconut oil, a saturated fat, being publicized. How long do we need to wait until “heart-healthy” vegetable oils are recognized for its inflammatory effects and as a major contributor to modern disease?
Do what healthy traditional societies free of disease have done for generations, eat fats from foods that nature provides, including the highly stable animal and tropical fats and avoid industrial, factory – made processed fats and oils.
Fats and Oils 101
All fats and oils are made up of a combination of three main kinds of fatty acids; saturated, monounsaturated, and polyunsaturated linoleic (LA) or linolenic acid. These refer to the kind of structure these fatty acids have between their carbon and hydrogen atoms.
Saturated Fatty Acids
The carbon chain in a saturated fatty acid are filled, or saturated, with hydrogen atoms.
This saturation creates a compact and highly stable structure that resist oxidation, even under high temperatures.
Saturated fatty acids are found in animal fats and tropical oils.
Monounsaturated Fatty Acids
The carbon chain is missing two hydrogen atoms and has one (mono) double bond instead between two of its carbons – so it is not saturated (unsaturated) by hydrogen atoms.
Monounsaturated fatty acids are not densely packed and bends at the double bond – why these fats are liquid at room temperature and cannot be exposed to high heat like saturated fatty acids.
They are found in olive oil, avocados, and nuts.
Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids (PUFAs)
The carbon chain is missing several hydrogen atoms and contains two or more (poly) double bonds.
PUFAs are highly unstable and sensitive to heat and light that can cause free radicals which harm your body.
They are found in corn, canola, soy, sunflower, safflower, rice bran, and grapeseed oils.
Vegetable Oils and the Omega ratio
“Back in the MI (myocardial infarction) free days before 1920, the fats were butter and lard and I think that we would all benefit from the kind of diet that we had at a time when no one had ever heard the word corn oil.”
- Dr. Dudley White speaking at an American Heart Association fund raiser in 1956.
Vegetable oils may sound healthy but they are highly processed foods that require industrial processes to extract its oils. Part of the process involves using toxic chemicals like hexane and bleaching agents to help extract and deodorize these oils. Even organic expeller-pressed vegetable oils undergo tremendous processing and are exposed to heat and therefore oxidize easily resulting in a toxic food.
A crucial factor for good health is the proper ratio of Omega 3 to omega 6 fatty acids in the diet. (Omega 3 fatty acids are triple unsaturated (3 double bonds) linolenic acid and omega – 6 is a double (2 double bonds) unsaturated linoleic acid). The exponential rise of vegetable oil consumption in our diets (found in all processed foods) and grain feeding of cattle and poultry has altered the ideal healthy omega 3 to omega 6 ratio.
**The high omega – 6, polyunsaturated vegetable oils like corn, canola, soy, sunflower, safflower, rice bran, and grapeseed oils, increase inflammation in the body and are associated with;
- cardiaovascular disease
- diabetes
- obesity
- IBS
- asthma
- cancer
- auto-immunity diseases
- high blood pressure
- infertility
- weight gain
- blood clots
These polyunsaturated vegetable oils – especially when heated – damage your cells, metabolic function, gene expression, and hormone functions. (Borage, evening primrose, and hemp oil are exceptions, though they are PUFAs they function as anti-inflammatories: are GLA Gamma-linolenic acid). This is why the addition of fish oils and cod liver oil supplements (omega – 3) are so popular in the natural health care industry.
Vegetable oils, if not organic, are likely derived from Genetically Modified Organisms (GMO’s), another important reason to avoid them. That’s a whole other story I’ll get into later.
Note: It is possible to go the other extreme as well and become deficient in omega – 6 fats, though very uncommon. Read more about Omega – 6 Deficiency at the Agriculture Society website.
What about Saturated Fats?
“The greatest scientific deception of this century, perhaps any century.”
- Geroge Mann, American scientist, criticizing the diet-heart hypothesis; the idea that high cholesterol foods cause heart disease.
The diet-heart hypothesis or lipid hypothesis first proposed by Ancel Keys surprisingly has little evidence to support it. Heart disease was rare in the early 1900′s when our diets were much higher in animal fats. The elevated triglycerides in the blood linked to heart disease do not come from dietary fats, but are produced in the liver from excess sugars from carbohydrates like refined sugars and white flour and from fructose. What is contributing to heart disease is theexcess consumption of vegetable oils, hydrogenated fats, and refined sugars in our modern diet.
Essential Roles of Saturated Fatty Acids
- enhance the immune system (needed by the white blood cells)
- needed for strong bones (helps absorb calcium)
- provide energy and structural integrity to the cells
- protect the liver from alcohol and other toxins
- healthy lungs (saturated fatty acids create the surfactant that and protect coat the lungs airspaces)
- building blocks for hormones
- assist in mineral absorption and
- cardiovascular health
- building blocks of a healthy brain and nervous system
Berry Pudding-Berry Delicious!
January 19, 2012
Good and good for you!
OK. Bad pun aside, this is awesome! This isn’t really a Smoothie but it’s close enough and it’s so delicious I had to share. Like all things good, feel free to adjust to your own taste; a little sweeter or a little more tart. Your call but this is the way I like it…
1 cup ( 250 ml) frozen raspberries
1 cup frozen blueberries
1 cup frozen blackberries
1 block (12 oz / 340 g) soft tofu
2 Tbsp ( 30ml) coconut palm sugar
2 Tbsp honey
2 Tbsp corn or tapioca starch
1/2 tsp (2ml) cinnamon
1 tsp (5ml) orange zest
1/2 tsp almond extract
Combine everything in a blender or food processor until smooth and refridgerate a couple of hours before serving…it’s that simple.
Makes 6 servings.
This can be served with shaved chocolate – you can mix in a little lemon and / or a few mint leaves. Add less honey if you don’t want it so sweet. You can even add a pinch of sea salt. Play around with it to get the taste to your liking.
Nutritional info. per serving;
126 calories; 3 g protein; 2 g fat ( o sat fat and 0 trans fat); 26 g carbs; 4 g fibre; 103 mg sodium
Still here? Go make a pudding!
…and as always…smile as you’re making it.
Doug
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true Love gave to me…Peace
January 6, 2012
Christmas Day. Old Christmas Day. Saint Nicholas. Santa Claus. What exactly is it all about anyway? If you do a little research on Christmas Day and the festivities, it becomes quite confusing and actually kind of upsetting. Calendars were changed; dates were changed; one bit of history has it that 11 days were moved to “even out” the dates of the different countries. December 25th is not considered to be the correct birth date of Jesus…it’s was just a convenient day to have a celebration.
Regardless of allll that – I’m still very glad to have had the opportunity to celebrate Christmas the way we know it, in so many places, with family and friends. I still enjoy it and hopefully, I will continue my celebrations, pagan, religious or else-wise until I am on this earth no more. I love the season and for me it has always been, and will always be, a special time of year.
That being said, there were a few times I just couldn’t get into the ‘spirit‘ of Christmas, as the saying goes. This happened just a few years ago here in Toronto. I celebrated Christmas Eve with some friends; Christmas morning came we did the customary Christmas stocking and gift exchange; that afternoon we had a wonderful dinner with my family. Not a lot of activity afterwards but it was fun and nice to be with the ‘crowd’ again. Still, something was missing. I just wasn’t into it and that’s just not me!
Well, to get into the spirit of things, I could have turned to alcohol, that’s spirits; or a medium and call down a few spirits; or visit a graveyard and see if there were any lingering around. Instead, I decided to go to church. To me that’s seemed the most logical place.
Boxing Day, I went to a morning church service. It was nice, we sang Christmas carols and other hymns. The sermon was interesting with a good bit of humor mixed in. We said the final prayer, shook hands and everyone headed home. Done. I sat there, a few rows from the front, the only one left in the place. An usher came by and asked if everything was O.K. I assured him I was fine and asked if I could sit for awhile because I had to think about a few things. No problem there.
So I sat…and thought…and thought. About Christmas, life, the universe, the cramp in my foot and the twitch in my right knee; the white lint on my black pants and the scratch on the pew in front of me…hey, somebody stuck gum under the hymnal holder. Like a dog chasing it’s tail, my thoughts were going around in circles but quickly going nowhere. Someone dimmed the lights of the church.
That’s when I noticed the Nativity scene was still set up on the alter. A spotlight was shining down on the center where The Baby was wrapped in swaddling clothes. I began to stare at the light. Then the rest of the place became dark and the light didn’t seem to be shining down on the baby, but up from the baby.
Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world…” John 8:12
I stared more intently, the light seemed to grow brighter and my thoughts became slower. Light – pure light. Pure energy – positive energy. Love.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matt.5.8)
The longer I stared the less aware I was of my surroundings. I became absorbed in the light coming from the ultimate gift. Given to the world then giving of himself to others for the betterment of the world.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
I sat there and slowly my mind relaxed. The cares and thoughts and cramps and twitching and gum on the pew and wrapping paper and trees and shopping malls and turkey and even friends or family didn’t register any more. I felt weightless, almost like I was floating. It was a most incredible feeling. I was genuinely and truly, at peace with myself.
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6
Suddenly a hand was on my shoulder. The usher was back. “Are you OK sir?” he asked,looking somewhat concerned. ” You’ve been here for almost an hour.”
That’s when I realized I was no longer staring at the light because I opened my eyes when the usher touched me and I noticed the church lights were back on. I was sitting straight up in the pew, sweating profusely. The usher, John according to his name tag, handed me a handkerchief. “It’s clean.” he said with a little chuckle. I wiped my face and neck.
Finally I replied, “O.K? Sir, I feel better than I have in many years. Merry Christmas, my friend.” And with that I jumped up, vigorously shook his hand and went home.
I was full of energy and raring to go. I was off and running to visit more family and friends, ready to face whatever commercialism and strangeness the world had to offer. I was back and I indeed had found the spirit of Christmas again.
Regardless of your thoughts on spirituality or your religious beliefs, we all have to believe in something, even if it’s believing that there is nothing to believe in. Me? I believe there is a higher power surrounding us and within us. Countless times over the ages, in many ways, by many profits, we have been told that truth and purity of heart and mind is the gateway to peace. How you want to arrive at that peace, for all eternity, into the next life, whatever you may believe that is, is your’s for the asking.
Nothing brings a feeling of peacefulness and love to me as much as Christmas. A chance when I can share time, laughs, maybe a few gifts and especially love with my friends and family.
To me…that is my favorite way of Christmas.
Peace on Earth...Goodwill to men
He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith
…though a cool tree sure helps!
Merry Christmas everyone.
Get ready to be hit with more health stuff and weird fitness news from here on.
Doug
The Eleventh Way of Christmas…Movie Mania!
January 5, 2012
This one is wacky. You would have to see the video to really appreciate it, but I’ll try to explain.
I was in Toronto, staying with my sister Shirley. Her teenage daughter was going through a rough stage and she wasn’t the happiest kid in town. Christmas was fast approaching. The family had planned a big get together and some of us were heading back east to visit Mrs. Claus, our mom. What could I do to bring all of this together and somehow involve the grumpy kid? Why do I even try these things?
I decided to make a movie…not just any regular Christmas movie…an Obnoxious Santa movie! I started, skinny, weird with big glasses and a prominent pony tail, singing rock songs, instead of Christmas carols. Instead of black boots I wore reindeer slippers. I had sourface Jill do the camera work to get her involved. Soon she was laughing at my antics. Shirley was set to sing a nice carol but old Santa wasn’t having any of that. I interrupted every chance I got with silliness and anything else I could do to get a laugh.
Finally we convinced Jill to sing and she kind of got into it. Head bobbing along, clinking on a glass to the beat. Then we convinced her to dress as a little kid and sit on Santas lap. Santa was not having any of that Christmas request crap. She was told that nothing she asked for was available and all good kids were seldom seen and never heard. ( I told you you had to see it to understand!) So far it was going well.
Then we went to the big gathering and O.S.( obnoxious Santa) went along as well. After the greeting and eating, we created our own Christmas carols based on our childhood memories, involving socks and Christmas cakes and Purity Orange syrup! All throughout the singing, old O.S. was sticking his bearded face in when ever he could. Sometimes it drew laughter – sometimes it was a little over the top. But I didn’t care, people were laughing and the kids loved it! In fact, the kids did their own medley of Christmas songs, lightly based on Bob and Doug Mackenzies hosers theme. And yes, Jill was there singing right along with the worst of them.
O.S. poked around and sang and got his nose into almost every shot of the movie Hey, it was my movie! Sometimes annoying but always enjoying the antics of the Bowers family. We headed back to my sisters and I finished out the movie by saying good night, flip flopping around in several positions and finally falling asleep, kneeling on the couch with my red, Santa suit butt in the air as “The End” scrolled on the screen.
The movie became a favorite of my mom and kind of a family cult classic. Interestingly enough the kids, who are now grown adults, are asking to see it again.
It was a great Christmas – Jilly cheered up a little – the family get together was one of the best in my memory and mom loved the movie. What else could anyone ask for? However, since I was the “star” of the movie I don’t have any photos. Maybe I’ll do a private screening of the movie someday…cause there ain’t no way that thing is going public!!
Merry Christmas everyone!
The Tenth Way of Christmas
January 5, 2012
Almost there.
Not all Christmas event’s turn out as planned. Let me rephrase that. The event turned out fine, it’s just that I wan’t able to enjoy it!
Santa?
Still in Thailand. I was teaching at a Christian school in Nan Province. Not only was it a Christian school but it was an expensive school, so they wanted something special for the parents to see during Christmas. We started preparing in October. The locals were in charge of setting the stage to a winter scene based on my photos. I was building Santa’s sleigh out a kids cart, with cardboard cutouts for the sides and a horse costume for the dog pulling it. The poor dog! Then we rehearsed Christmas carols in English and went over the routines for two solid months. They didn’t do a Nativity scene because most of the parents weren’t christian…just the school, which happened to be the best around.
The kids Santa costumes were hilarious and occasionally ”dashing through the snow”, became, “dashing through kee mah”, which is Thai for doggy poo. As Santas sleigh ran over some dog crap during rehearsals. Over all it went well, Angels to sing Silent Night and even a decent looking Frosty the Snowman. The English? Acceptable at least.
We all worked hard and I was really anxious to see how it went. The performance was set for Christmas Day.
Pain!
I woke up at about 6:00a.m. with an earache, that soon turned into an incredible, unbelievable, unbearable pain. I couldn’t stand up. The pain was so intense I actually considered poking a needle in my eardrum to relieve the pressure…but I reconsidered. The room would spin and I would crash into something and fall down. There were ceramic tiles on the floor of my room and the most comfortable position I could get was with my butt in the air and my ear on the cool tiles. I managed to stagger around enough to find and start taking handfuls of Tylenol extra strength…and they only helped for a short while.
The stage was near the soccer field just a few meters from my room. I could hear the people outside setting up and rehearsing a few lines. Soon, the cars started pulling into the parking lot. Didn’t anyone notice I was missing? I kept hoping someone would come and discover my plight but that never happened. I guess they were all too caught up in the events of the day to worry about me. So here it was, Christmas day, I’m kneeling down, butt in the air, ear to the floor and trying not to puke.
The concert started. I swear I could hear a couple of the kids say “kee mah” during the song but with my ear I couldn’t be sure. Applause and a few announcements and thanks and welcomes. “Hey! You’re missing an English teacher!! Anybody? Somebody?” I tried to yell but it was useless. The concert continued without me. On and on and on it went while I staggered and stumbled alone.
I couldn’t handle it any longer. I got myself together, loaded up on Tylenol again and tried walking to the the clinic at main intersection in town. I was staggering all over the place, hanging onto fences as I went. More than a few times I heard comments about the drunk teacher…how terrible. Then as I got closer, one lady came over and helped me to the clinic. A five minute check up and I left with a handful of pills. I don’t know what they were but the pain stopped within a few minutes. I was kind of wasted but no pain!
By the time I got back most of the cars had gone and they were taking down the stage.On my doorstep was some food and a nicely wrapped Christmas gift. I was in no condition to attend the big dinner so I took my chicken and rice inside and finished out one of my strangest Christmas days on record. Later that night a couple of my friends dropped by with two teachers from the school. They were all apologetic about not coming over in the morning…but, you know, the concert and everything. I assured them I understood and I just hoped the concert went well, which it did…but after two months of preparation, I never got to see one second of it. Then again, I had to remind myself, it was for them – not me – about giving, not receiving. The ear infection lasted a week.
And so, the way I spent that Christmas Day is also was one for the record books. A painful Christmas day.
The Ninth Way of Christmas
January 4, 2012
I’m dreaming of a white…sandy beach…Christmas! Well not exactly dreaming, but that’s how it ended up.
Let’s flip from Toronto back to Thailand. This was actually the precursor to the Bangkok Christmas with the English teachers.
Visa run – Malaysia – return to Thailand, December 24th and I was held up in Krabi. A beautiful little place in Southern Thailand. I booked into the Walker Guest House. Holy dismalness batman!! The guesthouse was fine, I’m referring to the people inside. There was a nice, oval shaped bar in the center of the room, surrounded by 9 of the gloomiest people I’d seen in a long time. A British couple, a Swedish couple, 2 Aussie couples and Sharon, a young girl from Canada. They were all watching ‘Blue Hawaii’, with none other than Elvis of course. I ordered a pint of Beer Chang and tried to start a little conversation. I got mostly “hmmphs” or ”Right mate” and back they went to leaning on their elbows and watching the movie. I couldn’t let it go, so I asked, “What’s up with everybody? It’s almost Christmas. Why all the long faces?” That was it. That started a barrage of, “This look like bloody Christmas to you mate?” and “Oh Christmas is it? Ho Ho Ho!” from the Canadian and a few more comments I can’t put in print. Ahhh, a severe case of the ‘missing Christmas at home’ blues. I supped quietly for a little while and then told the bunch of mourners that I was going to Phi Phi Island to try and enjoy the next few days. Anyone was welcome to come along because the boat was leaving in 3 hours. They all perked up at that. A little chatter and they all agreed to go!
We bought our tickets at the guest house, they went to pack and I headed out to the biggest department store in town to do the obvious Christmas shopping. I loaded up on whatever I could find, from lights to canned snow to that white cotton wool stuff and a Christmas CD. The thing was, I had no real idea what I was going to do with it just yet. I arrived with one backpack but headed to the dock with two packs, stuffed full.
We met at the boat and a few hours later we were checking into guest houses on one of the most beautiful islands in Thailand. I was quite surprised to find there weren’t many tourists on the island at all. I scoured the area trying to form a plan of some kind. We all did the beach and swimming thing and their spirits seemed to be lifting a little.
Then I spotted it! A little abandoned gazebo at the end of the beach. It had an electrical outlet and was kind of hidden from the main beach area. I knew what I had to do but as always, I’d be taking the chance of looking like a complete fool. I figured, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Besides, I’ve looked like a fool so many times in my life it didn’t bother me any more!
Around midnight, Christmas Eve, we all drank a toast at a little bar, gave a few hugs and headed off to our rooms. No visions of sugar plums dancing in those heads I can confidently say! I waited for 30 minutes, preparing the arsenal for the attack. I slipped out, confirmed that what I was going to do was OK with the owner of the guest house and ran down to the gazebo. I strung lights all around the place, hung garland from the rafters and around the door, dragged some kind of bush-in-a-pot to the middle of the gazebo and did my best to create a Christmas tree and put the cotton wool padding all around the base of it, then loaded it with little wrapped gifts. I sprayed the canned snow anywhere and everywhere. Tinsel on the sides of the gazebo blew in the gentle breeze as I set up the music. I turned on the lights and it actually looked pretty cool! The owner of the guest house said ” Dee Mak”, ’very good’, which scared the crap out of me because he was sitting on the beach, in the dark, watching me do all of this. I then curled up on the floor and slept for a few hours.
It had to be dark to make this work. 4:00 a.m I was up and banging on the doors of the gloomy crew. They all came out to see what was going on. They were slightly hungover and apparently, to no surprise, a little upset, but I was acting all excited.
“He was here!” I said. “Who? What the hell are you talking about you @#!#**# crazy Cannuck?”
“Santa Claus! He came last night!” I yelled in a whisper not wanting to wake the other guests.
That was it – I was certifiably a nutcase. They all started to go back to their rooms. I grabbed Sharon, the Canadian. “Help me out here kid. Santa came here last night. At least come and have a look.” I pleaded. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and more out of pity than anything else, started to follow me…and strangely enough, the rest came as well. For them it was just curiosity I guess. I led them to the end beach but not without a few complaints. It was still quite dark. I ran ahead of them and waited until they got close enough and then plugged in just the tree lights only. That got a few comments and they started a little run towards the Gazebo and then I plugged in all the lights. Just as they got there I turned on the music.
The reaction was a concern. Complete silence for about ten seconds. I waited…and waited…and finally Sharon screamed, “Oh my God! Santa was here!” And that was all it took. Some kind of weight was lifted. It was Christmas morning! They all came in and started dancing around, tearing up the cotton wool and throwing it at each other, wishing each other a Merry Christmas. All of this was very much to my relief. I handed everyone a Santas hat but there was one other thing they weren’t expecting. It went silent again as I called their name, one by one, and handed out two little presents to each person. All wrapped with their name on a little tag. They Swedes were the first to sniffle. They were the youngest. Then Sharon and the Brits did a fair bit of sobbing as well.
I couldn’t let that last too long so I changed the CD to some dance music and we all partied on the beach – dancing like maniacs, under the glow of twinkling Christmas lights, throwing sand up in the air like snow as we wished each other Merry Christmas about a hundred times. The mourners had become a happy bunch of campers again.
My Two British Elves
I spotted the owner sitting quietly off to one side and he gave me a big grin and two thumbs up. Did this guy ever sleep?
For the next week, I never paid for a meal. Between the guest house owner (whose name I just cannot remember) and my Christmas elves, I was taken care of until we left. They even pulled together and paid for my boat ticket back to Krabi, where we finally went our separate ways.
Christmas is an emotional time for many, regardless of where they are. I love it when those emotions switch to positive and smiles abound.
Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone. Charles Schulz
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Doug
